Reservation hell

One thing I fucking hate the most that can be all together avoided is having all information handy when calling to make a reservation.  It is most irritating to have to pull teeth to get people to give me everything when answering the phone.  Things like... what dates you need your reservation for.  Have your credit card ready, it is ALWAYS necessary when guaranteeing your reservation.  Are you traveling for business or leisure?  This one is most important because when I quote you a rate it is only as accurate as the information you are forthcoming with.  So if you expect me to give you the company rate... tell me what fucking company you work for... douche bag.
If your 'rate' is not available, please for the love of god do not ask me which days it is available.  IT'S NOT AVAILABLE AT ALL!  People are un-fucking-believable sometimes.  Don't go behind my back and book on-line so you have 15 reservations... that's really going to piss me off.
Do your research... our hotel charges for parking... rightfully so the whole city charges for parking.  Don't tell me the fee isn't on the website, we're not stupid of course it is.  If there is one thing you should know, its that we don't hide that kind of shit!  People think we want to put distress on ourselves?  Hell no, I don't like you yelling at me to my face anymore than people like being lied to.  Do yourself a favor, and either read the website correctly, or pick up the fucking phone and ask.  There's a novel idea, using the phone!
I don't like playing twenty questions and taking 10 minutes to make a reservation that should take no more than a few minutes, given how prepared you are.  Food for thought for all you travelers out there!

Anniversary Hell

Lady comes in with her red neck husband to check in. Their reservation mentioned it was their anniversary...how sweet. But this lady was not. We couldn't get her a view of the river in the type of room she booked but she was put in a very nice room. But of course when I told her she wouldn't see the river from her room she got pissed. 'I guess making my reservation two months in advance doesn't do anything. Why try? It's our anniversary I want it to be special.' Ok calm down....I wouldn't know what room we could put you in two months ago! Wtf?! We have you the best available room possible. Guest 'oh I don't want to hear your excuses.' Alright cool I got other things to do. People....this is how a hotel works....the people who leave that day is the selection of rooms I have to work with. You can not select a room a month...two months in advance. A request is a fucking request if we can accommodate we will. We are not out to get you or make your trip miserable because then you make my life miserable and why would I do that to myself? Get it in your head that when I tell you I did the best I could believe me I did. Now...my boss comes out and she yells at him for a bit while I bust my ass trying to find other options for grumpy gus. Finally moved her to a different type of room with a view of the river. Listen...if you bitch enough sometimes you will get your way but really were secretly hate your guts. And sometimes there really is NOTHING we can do and your just being an asshole. Just sayin.

There's a first time for everything

Guest came to check out...holding an open bottle of yellowtale wine. It took me a second but the coffee cup she was holding was also filled with wine. Wow...ummm have a good flight? Lol classy

Cut it out couples part 2

The drama continues with man and wife. She came back to the hotel wanting a key to his room which I denied. 'He's dunk and suicidal you may have a dead body in your hotel'...oh good shoot me now. Start calming her down I agreed to go to the room to check on the husband. He was fine...drunk but fine. Come back down and told her she needs to chill the fuck it and deal with your shit away from my hotel.

Cut it out couples

Please dear God do not bring your little couple dramas to my hotel. Guy gets drunk...fights with his wife.  Wife calls cops and ambulance to take him to the hospital. My morning now consists of the wife calling me begging not to give her husband a key to his own good damn room.  Are you fucking kidding me? It's his room!! According to the wife he is mentally ill and a drunk.  According to him...he just wants space and she won't give it to him.  I tried to help her out and held him off as long as I could...ultimately there was nothing I could do so we let him back in the room. Keep your lovers quarrel in your own fucking houses. Ok?

Hit on me one more time... I dare you

The male traveler... seems innocent at first.  New to the area, don't really know what to do.  They have that look in their eye when they talk to you about what to do and where to go for "fun".  In the past five years I've been working in hotels I've been hit on several times.  Been asked out... "let's get a drink when your off" etc. Only two times have I ever accepted the invitation and both times I've regretted it!

First time... snowed in at the hotel, had to stay there just to work so I thought what the hell?  One drink, what could it hurt?  Well... I ended up in his room, where he dropped his pants only to find him wearing Sponge Bob Square Pants boxers.  It took all I had not to laugh hysterically!  It just got awkward, I didn't want to do anything, he wanted to do everything.  The night ended with his friends pounding on his door and cussing him out for leaving them at the club.  Freaked me the fuck out!  I thought I would loose my job right then and there.  BTW... when he jumped off the bed to answer the door, dude had the biggest hard on... so gross.  You can bet your sweet ass I left right after.

Second time, we had been texting back and forth for weeks.  He would call late at night and want to do the phone sex thing.  Not into it... not at all.  It was weird silence with him begging me to talk.  I finally decided to just do it.  I met him at his room, we "tried" to get it on... then the fucker came early and it was over.  Oh fuck.  Everything changed after that.  And guess what... these two guys knew each other.  Guy #2 was convinced I slept with guy #1 (did I mention gross?), mentioning it not previously, but now.  I told him I didn't but he was sure I did and was just lying.  If I could take it back, in a split second I would.  I would see him every time he was in town.  Learned he had a long time girlfriend, it was just shitty.

Back to present... this guy is hitting on me left and right.  Winking at me, bumping into me intentionally... asking me to work out with him?  I took a chance, gave him my number and we texted a little.  What did I find out today?  Wife is coming into town TOMORROW to celebrate their ANNIVERSARY!  Shut the fuck up.  For real??  Telling me how he looks forward to spending more time with me... has been into me since he first saw me.  You lying piece of shit.  Now after the initial shock... I thought about it more.  You can call me a whore... call me a slut, whatever I think guys who choose to cheat are the one's taking the chance to ruin their lives.  Is that my deal?  Hell no.  What do I have to loose?  Shit...I don't have shit to loose.  So why not?  Have a good time?  Why not?  So if it happens with the smooth talker it happens.  If it doesn't it doesn't.  I know what kind of dude you are and you won't change.  Fine by me :)

Drunk Bastard

You know you've been drinking too much and you have a problem when someone finds you passed out in the hot tub.  WTF?  We sent someone up, who was able to help this dude to his room, surprisingly he was able to walk the whole way.  "I may need to go to the hospital" he says... um ok.  Does he want a cab?  Should we call an ambulance?  What the hell?

Call the room... no answer.  Now we are worried.  My boss goes up with the director of operations to find an un-responsive drunk lying on the couch.  "Call 911" my boss says.  Come to find out, not only has this jackass been drinking for the past four days he's consumed over 80 pills of a mixed variety in the past twelve hours.  Death wish?  Apparently.  Dude quite his job and was going off the deep end.

Cut to the paramedics charging into the hotel with a gurney, followed by the police to make sure everything is ok.  They took him to the hospital for treatment...what a mess!  This guy was a mess from the start.  Roaming the breakfast area without a shirt, coming down in the evening in boxers.  Sounds to me like someone will be going home sooner than expected!  Bye crazy drunk bastard!

Party Fuckers

Today was just one of those days where everything pisses me off.  Guests being rude, people knocking shit over and not picking it up, but this story takes the cake!

Guests check in last night, two rooms, both two bedroom suites (these rooms are awesome, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room and fully equipped kitchen).  Looked to be about 7 people, pretty reasonable for that much space.  Cut to later in the night when about 30! people come down from that party asking us to order them 6! cabs.... are you out of your mind?  What the fuck are that many people doing in those rooms! Our front desk put the night auditor on high alert for party animals (we are a strict no party hotel), but nothing happened overnight.

Well, no noise complaints overnight, but when they came to check out this morning they let us know they broke the mirror in the room.  Are you fucking serious?  What the hell were you doing that you broke a fucking mirror?  They are ok with having to pay for it.  Let me back up and let you know these people were paying a discounted rate because daddy works for Marriott.  Just keep that in mind.  Anyway... mistake on their part telling me the mirror was broken, I went up to check the damage.  Big problems!

Not only did I capture the work they did on the mirror but also the residue of coke or meth they left on the tables.  Real nice guys!  I wasn't sure what it was, but after finding the little baggie it came in, I am pissed.  You come in, too many people, booze bottles everywhere in your room, coke/meth left on the table are you fucking crazy?  Didn't think anyone would notice or call you out on your little act?

You bet your ass I called the manager of the hotel and spilled all the beans on these young-ens   Not ok!  And I hope your daddy didn't know you did drugs and now the cat's out of the bag you little fuckers.  Moral of this story, if you're going to be stupid enough to do this shit in the room, clean up after yourself and you won't get caught.

Intro

I've been working in the hotel industry for over 5 years in various positions.  I've seen sooooo many things.  Things that make me laugh, cry, shake my head, and piss me off.  I'm here to tell you the hilarious stories about guests, and educate you on the hotel industry (let you in on trade secrets that is, thank me later).

Like any other industry we have to keep ourselves entertained, talking shit and making fun of people comes easy when working at a hotel.  Don't take it personally, we know it happens to us too, but who gives a rat's ass.  At the end of the day we have our laugh and move on with our lives.  Enjoy!